Been a while…

Well it has been a while. I’m sorry my posts have became so sporadic. The thing is when i got my bag all those years ago it gave me my life back, or gave me a life that was ‘good’. I didn’t have any problem’s with my bag and i thought posting about how good life was, was not what people wanted co hear, plus a normal life is boring, not what people want to read work, home, dinner, bed repeat etc…

But what i didn’t realise is I lost myself along the way. I was too busy trying to be normal, too busy trying to be the perfect patent and make up for the crap years. I then became so focused on everyone else that i then began to get taken advantage of. A kind heart is easily broken, and care is not the best place for someone who cares too much, or someone trying to be normal when they aren’t!

With everything that has happened although I’m now ok, i know i will never be back to who i was. I have to deal with it. I’ve kind of been here before but last time although getting a bag for the first time was a huge adjustment the fact it gave me a better life was easier to deal with. I was able to do the things i loved again. This time I’ve had all that ripped away.

I’ve began to look back, to look at my dreams and the person i was before i lost my way. And am trying to find who I was again. But while doing this a lot of resentment has came up. And it got me thinking of how our ibd and our circumstances can effect our paths. How our care early on, or lack of it can set us down a path we have no idea we are on till it hits us in the face. Autoimmune disease is like a light switch waiting to be turned on. I think i pressed my luck far too many times in the pursuit of my dreams, taking chances, not knowing that i was playing with a bomb ready to explode.

So in my next post I’m going to take you back, tell my story but not from the ibd side. From then we can begin to move forward.