August | 2020 | SQUIRT'S BLOG

2 years, 730 days without him.

2018 must be the worst year. I can’t think of a year that compares.

2018 was the year I almost lost my life, but this post isn’t about that. I guess in a way I’m thankful as in the midst of that I contacted someone who had saved my life many times before to thank him, to tell him how much I loved him. Maybe without death staring me in the face I would have continued life, and would have lost the comfort of knowing he knew how much he meant to me. I’d spent do many years being too busy, always thinking there was always tomorrow, life got in the way.

As usual he shrugged it off, anyone would have…

Nope, I seriously doubt it!

He was extremely modest and never saw himself as anything special.

Nobody’s hero….. well he was nobody’s hero because I was ‘nobody’ until he made me into somebody.

I have many ‘friends’, but I can count on one hand those who I know would be there for me no matter what, and now I am far more grateful and thankful for them now, but I doubt they could hit the bar set by this very special man.

Two years ago, 4th august 2018, he died suddenly leaving a huge hole in the lives of everyone who knew and loved him. I know the grief I feel is minuscule in comparison to what his wife goes through.

We were all fortunate to have him in our lives and he sure did make an impact. He devoted his life to those he loved. I guess heaven was needing an angel..

I have been writing his story.. Our story, and its like looking in a mirror, and I dont always like the reflection staring back, I will always have to live with the memories and the guilt of how in return I was no where near at his standard, though I now try to be to others.

But I also have the good memories, our crazy, wild memories, and the many letters which I needed back then, but are still relevant today. Timeless messages which I treasure.

But no matter how much I write I can never adequately describe this guy or what he did for me. Stealing a line from Titanic, he saved my life in every way a girl can be saved. I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for him, and I definitely wouldn’t be writing! I made a promise to him to never stop writing, and now I feel I have to make sure I honour that promise.

I decided to use the book as a way of honoring his life and to show people who this amazing guy was. Although it is a biographical fiction I decided to keep his character as true to life as I could. I didn’t want to change a thing about him.

I wanted people to know what a real friend looked like. If ever there are friendship goals, he is it.

He is the definition of friendship.

The type of friend who would drop everything at a moments notice, hop on his bike, and ride 90 miles (at speed) to save a girl sinking into the depths of depression considering suicide. The type of guy who would let a girl cry on his shoulders for hours without a single complaint. The type of guy who would write letters daily just to make sure you felt loved and valued.

The guy who would be your date for the prom so that you didn’t have to go alone.

The type of friend who would be bluntly honest, giving what you need, not what you want, pulling you up on where you’re going wrong, but done with a compassion that made you want to live up to his expectations, to be the person he saw you could be.

The friend who you could spend evenings just sitting watching the waves talking, knowing you could tell him anything and everything and jed still be there.

But also the friend who you could sing with at karaoke, go on endless fast rides, wave dodge, and have crazy drinking games, and who you could salsa dance with, getting close, but knowing you were safe within the walls of friendship, the type of friend you could outrageously flirt with and would flirt back, but you both knew where to draw the line. And the friend who, when i met Paul, I had to run outside and ring to ask ‘what to I do, help!’

But mostly the type of friend who turned everything into a game, a competition, a dare, threatening to ‘whip my ass’ at whatever came up, and he nearly always did! Life was never boring with him around

The type of friend you want as a role model for your son….